You Know You're In China When...

You know you're in China when... 

-You nearly get hit by a car every time you walk outside.
-Every male ages twelve to one hundred smokes.
-People constantly yell things like..."I love you.","Hey girl!","I miss you.","1,2,3,4,5,6,7."& then bust up laughing.
-Everyone dresses in ten layers of clothing even when its hot.
-They hand out medicine like free candy.
-Guys roll their shirts up into belly shirts. 
-You are constantly sweating from the 100% humidity. 
-Everyone eats out of the same dish. 
-You see rats the size of ferrets running down the school hallway or a busy street. 
-There are exercise machines in every park. 
-All meat has bones. 
-Everyone is constantly telling you to drink more water. 
-People start every sentence with "Maybe.." 
-You see kids going to the bathroom in the middle of the street, on a bus, or in a public building. 
-People walk away in the middle of a conversation. 
-A fancy meal costs two dollars.
-Most of the trees are painted white at the bottom. 
-The girls wear sheer shirts with bright colored bras. 
-There are four people working one job. 
-Everyone is constantly telling you that you're beautiful. 
-You are surprised & excited every time you see a dog but wouldn't dare touch it. 
-There is fresh fruit laying all over the streets. 
-They worship English. 
-The green skittles are green apple flavored. 
-Many people have random six inch hairs coming out of their faces. 
-Old women do a lot of the hard labor. 
-Only the richest folks have vehicles. 
-Everyone loves hot dogs on a stick or chicken feet.
-A little girl shows up to school with a shirt that say "Freak you. Freaking. Freak. Freak." 
-Everyone is fascinated with your nose, eyes & blond streak. 
-People dress like Lady Gaga on steroids. 
-They Photoshop the life out of every photograph. 
-Carpet doesn't exist. 
-People yell everything that they say. 
-You get asked why your nose is a triangle. 
-The men have SUPER long thumb & pinky nails. 
-90% of grandmas have a baby strapped to their back. 
-People sweep dirt. 
-They tilt their bowl up & shovel their food into their mouths.
-No one knows how to swim.
-Few people know what cheese is. 
-Every guy wants you to be his girlfriend. 
-It will be hotter than hell one moment than pouring two seconds later. 
-People greet you by asking you if you've eaten. 
-You end up in the hospital every other month & they treat you although they only know your first name & age. 
-You can smell a guy wearing cologne from a mile away. 
-The girls flaunt their armpit hair shamelessly. 
-You constantly have at least five bug bites on your body.
-No where has toilet paper & all the girls carry tissues.
-People walk down the street carrying speakers that are playing awful Chinese opera. 
-All guys have girlish figures. 
-Babies have a huge hole in their pants so their butt cheeks hang out.
-There is no real milk, only soy. 
-You are constantly getting pictures taken of you. Most of the time without your consent. 
-You hear Gangnam style everywhere you go. 
-Old people walk around flailing their arms for exercise. 
-You walk or take public transportation everywhere.