You Know You're In Russia When...

You know you're in Russia when...

-The women wear heels all the time.
-People speed up when they see you crossing the road. 
-Half of every store is liquor. 
-You constantly have to pee because you don't want to pay to use a public restroom. 
-There are at least seven dead bolts on every door. 
-A guy chooses you & does not stop staring. 
-Women are 10x hotter than men. 
-You hear gunshots multiple times a week & it doesn't phase you. 
-People drink vodka everyday. 
-There are massive farmers markets everywhere.  
-The men have nicer purses than you do. 
-The most difficult part of running outside is dodging the pigeons.  
-High heel sneakers are a thing. 
-People wear scarves & coats even when its 70 degrees outside. 
-No one is married. 
-Police drive a BMW or Mercedes. 
-Every chocolate cake tastes like rum. 
-You're always staring at the ground in an effort to avoid the billion loogies. 
-Everything Thursday they eat fish. 
-You are constantly being offered candy & cake for breakfast. 
-People are always concerned about open windows.  
-Buckwheat is the staple of your diet. 
-Everyone smokes. 
-Babushkas run the country. 
-You smile at someone & instantly fear that they will get the wrong idea. 
-People look at you like you are insane when they see you working out. 
-You are passionate about the metro system. 
-All curbs are painted yellow & green & no one can tell you why. 
-Its normal to be covered in honey & smacked with leaves. 
-The folks have the nicest cars. 
-You are given chocolate regularly. 
-The people dress head to toe in fur. 
-Everyone is making out everywhere.
-The electricity plugs are at the top of wall.  
-There is rad graffiti in every neighborhood. 
-It always sounds like people are mad at each other. 
-You're on an escalator at least six times a day. 
-The police are younger than you. 
-People get in fights & no one blinks an eye.
-Everything you eat is cooked in ten liters of oil. 
-People live in porta potties.